She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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