i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
