Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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