I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
