Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
