if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
