How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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