Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
