totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
