Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
