we're blogging at a bar
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
