Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
