At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
