you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
