I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
