I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
