we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
