bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
