It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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