I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
zippers are such a cool invention
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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