There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
