This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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