Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
