I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
