Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
if only i could text you this smell
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My dick has a subreddit
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
