My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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