I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
