you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have aggressive nipples.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
