yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
