Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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