I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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