two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
