my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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