he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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