She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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