uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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