How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
