Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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