I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
