The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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