He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Pants are for mortals
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
