My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
