I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
