I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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