If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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