If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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