with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
