He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We got so high we made milksteak
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
