Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
