We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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