I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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