I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
