Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
