I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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