Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
COCAINE IS GR8
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
