so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
