How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
